Он и Она: такие ли мы разные? Как сохранить отношения?

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Чего хотят девушкиПрошло совсем немного времени после выхода одноименного фильма о том, чего хотят женщины, и  в свет вышла небезызвестная книга Джона Грэя «Мужчины с Марса, Женщины с Венеры». 

Во всемирной паутине появляется все больше и больше историй, которые в шутку или взаправду, с подвохом и юмором описывают отношения двух полов, двух противоположностей – Его и Ее. Безусловно, отношения мужчины и женщины волновали всех и всегда, но на сегодняшний момент эта тема, очевидно, достигла своего апогея.

Как ни странно, в современном мире те самые Инь и Янь, символизировавшие гармонию и единство начинаний, переносятся на те линии жизни, где им уготована отнюдь не самая лучшая роль – вечное противостояние, иными словами, растущая с каждым днем между ними пропасть. Но так ли мы отличаемся друг от друга в своих стремлениях и желаниях? Противоречат ли наши приоритеты и интересы? И каковы те шаги, сделав которые, мы, наконец, придвинемся ближе к линии, на которой граничат наши такие параллельные плоскости?

Так или иначе, в описании и определении каждого пола присутствует та или иная доля стереотипов, потому что именно они являются «ярлычками», которые навешиваются на нас в процессе нашей социализации. Посмотрите на ребенка: в нежном возрасте ему неведомы проблемы, с которыми его родители сталкиваются каждый день. Любовь, разбивающаяся о лодку быта, невымытая вовремя посуда, невыстиранные носки и не выглаженные рубашки, невнимание, беспорядок в комнатах, забытые даты годовщин, да стоит ли перечислять далее список всех взаимных претензий? Ребенок все воспринимает, и наивное подсознание впитывает, как губка, модели поведения в социуме, потому что только вписавшись в жизненный сценарий программа по приспособлению нового члена общества будет выполнена по максимуму, а это, в свою очередь, защитит его от многих негативных воздействий окружающего мира. Итак, пора пожинать плоды, и дети вырастают в Мужчину и Женщину.

Мужчина… задумайтесь, каков он? Обязательно сильный, ответственный, мужественный, по возможности внимательный и по способностям физически развитый. А женщина? Непременно заботливая, ласковая, любящая, несущая красоту и гармонию в мир. Кажется, природа предусмотрела все, чтобы создать идеальный союз, но не все так просто, как кажется. Та самая социализация одновременно и помогает нам, и мешает быть одним целым с теми, кого мы любим.

Рано или поздно в отношения мужчины и женщины начинают вкрадываться сомнения в самом священном, в том, что мы так бережем от посторонних глаз, — в любви. Это продиктовано несоответствием внутренних ожиданий, навязанных общественным мнением, и тем, что в частности каждый из нас имеет. Мало помалу из этого вытекают взаимные упреки, недовольства, непонимания, ссоры, которые, как снежный ком, в любую минуту могут поглотить вас и вынести не в ту тихую гавань, о которой вы так мечтали, а разбить о скалы равнодушия и, в конечном итоге, привести к расставанию.

Как сохранить отношения с любимым человеком

Чтобы избежать таких плачевных последствий, психологи и социологи постарались вывести те положения, которые характеризуют не только мужчин и женщин, но и то, что каждый из них ожидает от отношений. Стереотипы, от которых в свое время пострадало не одно поколение, не могут целиком и полностью охватить широкий спектр взаимных претензий, но, рассмотренные без гротескного преувеличения, столь любимого анекдотами, они могут натолкнуть на выход из сложившихся трудностей.

Чего хотят мужчины от женщин

Чего хотят мужчины от женщин

Итак, чего хотят мужчины? Ваш первый ответ – секса? Вы не совсем правы. Разумеется, секс играет одну из самых важных ролей в любых отношениях, но интерес к нему в равной степени относится и к мужчинам, и к женщинам. На самом деле все обстоит гораздо проще: мужчине нужно внимание любимой женщины и ее участие в его жизни, сопереживание и сочувствие, но в очень деликатной форме. Если перед тобой истинный представитель Мужчин, «розовые слюни» ему вряд ли понравятся. Если ты приложишь немного усилий и, вместо того, чтобы обвинять его в забывчивости и невнимательности, начнешь его слушать, то узнаешь много нового о его жизни, переживаниях и желаниях, что в свою очередь даст тебе возможность быть выслушанной. Мужчины не так толстокожи, как думаем мы, женщины, просто им, в силу социального воспитания, не хватает тепла и участия. С самого раннего детства их приучали быть сильными и не жаловаться, потому что мужчин это не красит, но подумай сама, легко ли держать все в себе, не имея возможности высказаться? На этот случай у каждого из них имеется парочка друзей, в компании которых можно расслабиться после тяжелого дня и вечного женского «пиления», и хобби, которое даст почувствовать себя «царем горы». Ты, наверняка, как и большая часть женщин, обижаешься на то, что он поставил друзей или увлечения во главу угла, а с тобой проводит тот минимум времени, которого достаточно для поддержания отношений. Это самый верный путь погрязнуть во взаимных обвинениях и обидах. Посмотри на ваши отношения и подумай, как можно было создать для всех комфортную обстановку? Надутые губки и обиженный взгляд тут вряд ли подойдут, потому что у каждого мужчины есть подсознательный страх перед готовой расплакаться женщиной. Вместо этого встреть его радостно, когда он придет с работы, обними, скажи, как он дорог для тебя и как ты его любишь, накорми и приготовься выслушать, но не пытай его сразу вопросами, дай ему расслабиться и почувствовать твою заинтересованность в событиях его жизни. Тогда он будет звонить тебе первым, желая рассказать обо всех своих подвигах, посвящать тебя во все переживания, советоваться с тобой, и, со временем, начнет мало-помалу интересоваться твоей жизнью. Но не думай, что все мужчины такие эгоисты. Незаинтересованность жизнью женщины продиктовано не тем фактом, что ты ему неинтересна (если бы так, он бы не встречался с тобой), а тем, что в жизни женщины есть множество событий, которые покрыты мраком для сильной половины населения, а так как мужчина не хочет показаться несведущим в какой бы то ни было области, ему проще молча переживать события текущего дня.

Как сохранить отношения с любимым человекомА что же нужно женщине? Этот вопрос может вызвать самые разные предположения со стороны мужчин, ведь они ломают над этим голову уже не первый десяток лет. К этой ситуации прекрасно подошла бы пословица из сказки: «Пойди туда, не знаю куда, принеси то, не знаю что», но мы оставим ее до следующего раза. У каждой женщины огромный список ожиданий, предъявляемых каждому мужчине. В него входят внимание, любовь, забота, комплименты, маленькие подарки и сюрпризы, приятные неожиданности, романтика, порой даже вещи, совершенно несовместимые. Например, женщина хочет, чтобы мужчина был другом и любовником, нежным и страстным, одновременно сильным и мягким, чтобы он интересовался ее жизнью, давал советы и в то же время давал ей свободу в принятии решения… Для каждой женщины этот список индивидуален, но в том, чего мы не хотим от мужчин, мы очень схожи. Женщин не устраивает безразличие, невнимательность, безответственность, пугают необязательность и потребительское отношение, но больше всего женщины боятся привыкания, когда они становятся пройденным этапом, этакой покоренной вершиной, прежний интерес к которой улетучивается в мгновение. Чтобы этого не случилось, мужчинам не стоит воздерживаться от комплиментов и романтичных жестов, завоевывая каждый раз ее сердце и любовь, потому что у каждой женщины существуют поклонники и воздыхатели, которым может выпасть неплохая возможность занять ваше место, мужчины, если вы расслабитесь. И они, изучив за это время все то, на что женщина так падка, ни за что не упустят свой шанс быть счастливым и сделать счастливой ее. Тем не менее, многие из вас опасаются, что будут выглядеть глупо и совсем «не по-мужски». Но подумайте сами, что может быть достойнее того, что вы даете женщине понять, что она любима и дорога, все так же привлекательна и интересна для вас, как и в первые месяцы общения?

Это были те краткие советы для мужчин и женщин, которые помогли восстановить отношения во многих парах. Не пренебрегайте поводами для выражения своей любви, тратьте на любимых время и душевные силы, работайте над отношениями, чтобы потом они создали для вас прочную опору в этом жестком мире, где без родственной души никак не обойтись. Да, искренняя и безусловная любовь всегда будет восхищать человечество, и каждый из нас так или иначе будет к ней стремиться, но не стоит забывать, что все человеческое нам не чуждо, и внутренний мир строится и управляется законами психологии, или науки о душе.

Любите и будьте любимы!

Видео-сцена и музыка из фильма «Мужчина и женщина» (1966 год)!

автор: Ася Левина

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